I Wouldn’t Wish This on You

An EP by Carlby & Horosha

Lyrics by Carl Lodoen & Dylan Harris
Produced, mixed, and mastered by Dylan Harris
Additional vocals on track 2 by Anxiety Attacks!

1. I Wouldn’t Wish This on You

I wouldn’t wish this on you

To be anything like me

Must the apple always fall short of the tree

There’s things that I’ve inherited

Less a blessing

More a curse

Reflecting back your worst

Will you resent me in time

Just like I did to my father before me

Or will you take it all in stride

‘Cause I’ve got issues and I know

You’re not the one to blame

But it’s easier that way

Who really knows what troubled you

Not something I could comprehend

That’s the burden that we all share as men

Now my guilt outweighs any hope to create

Any chance to avoid the same fate

I wouldn’t wish this on you

4. Dance Before the Fall

Yeah you saved me

I’m no longer the same

Since you changed me

Got me out of my own way

No I wouldn’t jump

Not if everyone else did

‘Cause your love has me reconnected again

It’s like resurrection

And if I wall will you be protected from this

‘Cause I’ve been fighting off that darkness for way too long

You talked me off that ledge more than I can count

In case it wins I just want you

You’re everything in life I’ve waited for

Until our time runs out and fate comes for us all

I’m just grateful to exist with you

Let’s dance before the fall

2. Growing Older

Although I'm growing older

I'll never be this young again

So if I have no choice but to die

Then I might as well live

For this moment 

While I can

Still make something of it

For my family and friends

Just know I'll never quit

I won't forfeit nor forget

Anything you've done for me

It's because of you I'm better

It's for you I still breathe

(Anxiety Attacks!)

I don’t wanna write this off or call it quits until it’s over

I just need to keep on moving forward

I keep getting closer

Tryna make it through this life

But it never ends

Maybe I’m just wasting time

We can still pretend

I know when it’s said and done I’ll still have my friends

I don’t wanna feel like there’s nobody there for me

5. The Price Is Right with Bob Barker

Well I think about the things I'm supposed to want

A white picket fence in the suburbs and a couple dogs

Retired by 65 with pension checks

I'll sit in front of the TV and drink myself to death

Isn’t this what you wanted

Early thirties and I'm fucking paranoid

That the way I live is not the way that will bring me joy

In a couple decades down the line

Will I be happy with how I spent my time

I don't know what I want, but I know that this is not enough

Timeline all planned out

I guess that’s how it goes

But I still feel something missing

Not sure I'll ever find it

I can't bring myself

To stagnate into dust

To fall into step with the rhythm

And why can't I be happy with the way things are

Forever reaching outward for something more

It may be unconventional

But we can make this work

Because I could be doing better

But I could be doing worse

It's time I see myself for what I'm really worth

And I'd hate another man to profit off the back of my work

'Cause I'm not here for entertainment

I can't be bought sold or persuaded

I don't regret the life I'm chasing

I'd rather die than be satisfied

So many promises of gold

Of lands of milk and honey

If you’ll just auction off your soul

And leave your passion in the margins

But it’s all just empty words

I slight of hand so you won’t see

They’re escaping in the lifeboats

While we all are swallowed whole by the American dream

3. Youngest Son

Can we skip to the part where I make a full recovery

‘Cause I have no time to grieve

It’s weighing heavily on me

I can’t change the fact that you’re gone and you’re not coming back

I won’t try to

Now all I have left is trauma and old photographs

I still carry it with me

I see you most nights when I fall asleep

And I can’t cry

I guess we all have our own ways of processing

I feel you in dreams like you never left

My missing piece

My best friend

I’ve realized we are much the same and I’m trying every day not to share your fate but

‘Cause a mother shouldn’t have to bury her son at only twenty-five

And I know you couldn’t see it but there’s meaning to your life

To the youngest son of John

Cut down by the sickness in his blood

You are loved more than you’ll ever know

So in every song we sing you will live on

6. End Credits

Still I feel lost in this world without you by my side

Why couldn’t I have been the one to die

Why couldn’t I have turned the hands of time in my favorable side

And though I still fit in this jacket

It don’t quite suit me these days

I don’t blame myself for what happened

Still it’s hard not to feel the guilt and the shame anyway

I’d nearly forgotten the day that we met

Left an imprint on this town like hands in wet cement

So dearly departed

Broken-hearted I wept

Knowing heaven gained an angel when you left

You were struck down

In the prime of your life

Now the future looks dark

But the past shines so brightly

You left a scar

Now I’m quite unsightly

Closer to death now

You visit me nightly

I always stare up at the celling and I think

That when my time comes you will lead me by the hand

Out of the window from this dark abandoned room

Out of a life so filled with pain and with regret

We’ll dance together in the cofields of our youth

And I’ll say sorry for all the things I didnt do

And we will hold each other close

So intwined in the morning light

Two souls leaving a breath upon the wind

In memory of Carol Becker, John Lodoen, Mona Rybold, and Andre Lodoen.